Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Monday, October 19, 2009
Face this fact: as soon as your son is 16 and is able to drive by himself, he will may want to ask girls out on a date. And why not? It's one of the most normal things in the world. You should encourage his social life as much as possible.
Assuming you have a teenage son who feels ready to date, here are some hints you can give him that will go a long way towards making his foray into dating a success: I'm also assuming he has a car to drive, even if it is one of the family cars.
*** Make sure he cleans the car inside and out. To make sure it is done right, take the car to your local car wash. Most charge about $25 for cleaning both the inside and outside of the car.
*** Make sure he takes a shower just before he gets dressed to pick up his date. Encourage him to use deodorant soap and underarm deodorant.
*** He must be dressed appropriately. You can't go wrong with semi-formal wear, which is a nice pair of slacks and a long sleeve dress shirt. A sport coat wouldn't hurt either, especially if he is taking his date to a nice restaurant that doesn't require men to wear a tie(most don't these days).
*** Be certain his car is in working order and has a full tank of gas. You should also make sure the oil has been changed in the last three months. How are the tires? Our cars warn us if the tire pressure is too low or too high. You can check your tire pressure for free at most oil change businesses. Remember, your teen will have too much on his mind without having to deal with warning lights coming on while he is driving his date around.
*** Go over where he will take his date and how much money he should have. Going to movies in theaters are expensive these days, sometimes $8.00 per person. Add overpriced popcorn, drinks, etc and he could be spending $35 to $40 already. If you son wants to take his date to a restaurant after the move, suggest places that your son has been to before. That way, he knows what's on the menu and about how much he might spend. It also helps if you know that the food and service are usually good. No use taking chances here. After you figure out how much money he might need for both movie and restaurant(or whatever else he might do), give him 50% more. The last thing he wants to have happen is to run out of money. Have him keep this money in another place, perhaps a different wallet. If he doesn't use it, tell him to save it for his next date.
*** It's usually not realistic to meet his date's parents first, so tell your son that he should talk to at least one parent before he takes their daughter out on the date. Encourage him to tell one or both parents where he intends to take their daughter and when he will bring her back.
*** Make sure your son takes his fully charged cell phone with him. Most cell phones have an atomic digital clock that can be relied on to be the correct time. Tell him to leave the phone on and put it on vibrate so it doesn't disturb anyone.
*** Help your son figure out how much time it will take him to get to the girl's house, how long it will take him to get where they are going, and how long it will take to drive from wherever they end up back to the girl's house. You can even do a dry run with him. He should know that it is vitally imporant for him to be on time for his date. If he tells the girl 8:00 pm, that's when he should arrive, or very close to that time.
As an example, let's say it takes 15 minutes to get to the girl's house from your house. Knowing this fact tells your son when he should leave his house. I'd suggest 20 minutes(giving himself and extra five minutes). Make sure he knows to call his date if he is going to be unavoidably late.
Let's further assume it takes another 10 minutes to get to the movie house or wherever they want to go. Lastly, let's say it take it takes a further 10 minutes to drive back to the girl's house from wherever they end up(perhaps in a restaurant). Knowing how long it will take him to get from place to place will help your son budget his time.
Emphasize to your son how important it is to the girl's parents that he get his date home on time. If he tells the girl's father 11:00 pm, he should get her home at that time or even five minutes early. It wouldn't hurt at all to have him call the girl's parents if he knows he's going to be unavoidably late bringing her home.
Let him know that it makes a very good impression on both the girl and her parents that he both pick her up on time and bring her back home when he says he will do so.
*** When he first starts going out with a girl, encourage your son to take her to “safe” places, like the movies, a high school game or something of that nature. We live in a small town in Arizona and there is not much to do after dark. If this is you too, you might even suggest “day dates” to your son. Have him ask his new girlfriend what she might like to do during the daylight hours.
*** If your son tells you he wants to “go steady” with a girl, then you should definitely meet the girl's parents, or at least talk to them on the phone. You don't have to be overly friendly(especially if you seem to have nothing in common), but you should know their home phone, their work phones and their cell phones. It helps immensely if you have raised your children in similar manners and have nearly the same attitudes on how children should be raised. You should also know where they live and the easiest way to get there.
*** It goes without saying that you should discourage your son from drinking, smoking or doing any drugs while he is out on the date. He must be awake and alert at all times. Tell him also to follow the speed limit to the letter and drive carefully. Let him know that he is responsible for the girl's safety, since he is driving.
*** Your teen son(and his girl) are going to be tempted to have sex. It probably won't happen until they've “gone steady” for awhile and are comfortable with each other, but the temptation will be there. Be frank with your son about what can happen if the girl gets pregnant. A little “heavy petting” is certainly OK as long as it doesn't go beyond that. Encourage your son to wait until he and his girlfriend are both 18. Twenty-one is even better, but probably unrealistic.
*** Make sure your son can call you if he runs into trouble. Perhaps the car won't start or something else might occur that is unforeseen. Be willing to “rescue” the date if something unavoidable happens. Pick them up if needed and bring them to your house. Do whatever you can to “save” the date.
*** Don't force your teen son into the dating circle if he doesn't feel ready for it. It's an obvious fact that people mature at different levels, some faster or slower than others. It may well be that your teen son may not be ready for dating until he is a high school senior(age 17 or 18) or maybe in his first year in college(age 18 or 19). Speaking for myself, I didn't have my own car to drive until I was a freshman in college, and didn't date much until then. Listen to your son before you suggest he get out there and date girls. Be frank with him and ask him if he's ready, yes or no. If he says no, don't be disappointed. Support his decision and tell him that whenever he is ready is the right time.
Conclusions:
You might think of other practical ways to ensure your son's success in the dating arena. Just do whatever you can to help, especially with his date “chariot”. The last thing your son needs is problems with his car. He's got enough to worry about, so make sure it is safe to drive and in good working order.
Even if no problems occur, the date might not go well. He might found out that the girl and he don't have much in common, and the conversation lags. Or maybe the girl doesn't care to see him again(or he doesn't want to date her again) for any reason. Assure him that this is the normal course of events. Tell him there are “other fish in the sea” and that he should be on the lookout for another good opportunity.
There is an old saying that can apply to the dating world(it is especially meant for men): “Don't marry the woman you love; marry the woman who loves you.” I agree with this and wish I had known it a long time ago. You can liken it to dating this way: “Don't date the girl you like, date the girl who likes you.” It should be easy for your son to tell if a girl likes him. She's the one who will talk to him in a friendly manner ALL THE TIME, not just once in a while.
A consistently friendly and kind girl will be willing to help out when a date goes wrong. Maybe the restaurant is more expensive than your son thought and he is a little short. Any girl worth her salt will have money herself and won't think twice about helping out your son. Or think of any other situation where things don't quite go as planned. The right girl for your son will do everything she can to assist him. Why? Because she genuinely likes him and is very willing to go “the extra mile” for him. What teen boy wouldn't want a girl like that? She is the kind of girl your son will want to go steady with.
Simply dating the girl he likes may or may not work out. She may not like him as much and may like to go out with lots of guys. There's nothing wrong with this, but depending on your son, it may not work out. If your son likes to date a lot of different girls, then this is fine. But if he wants just one girl to date steadily, then encourage him to go out with a girl that thinks a lot of him as a person.
John Soares
Encourage your teen's interests
Help your teen study for tests
Assuming you have a teenage son who feels ready to date, here are some hints you can give him that will go a long way towards making his foray into dating a success: I'm also assuming he has a car to drive, even if it is one of the family cars.
*** Make sure he cleans the car inside and out. To make sure it is done right, take the car to your local car wash. Most charge about $25 for cleaning both the inside and outside of the car.
*** Make sure he takes a shower just before he gets dressed to pick up his date. Encourage him to use deodorant soap and underarm deodorant.
*** He must be dressed appropriately. You can't go wrong with semi-formal wear, which is a nice pair of slacks and a long sleeve dress shirt. A sport coat wouldn't hurt either, especially if he is taking his date to a nice restaurant that doesn't require men to wear a tie(most don't these days).
*** Be certain his car is in working order and has a full tank of gas. You should also make sure the oil has been changed in the last three months. How are the tires? Our cars warn us if the tire pressure is too low or too high. You can check your tire pressure for free at most oil change businesses. Remember, your teen will have too much on his mind without having to deal with warning lights coming on while he is driving his date around.
*** Go over where he will take his date and how much money he should have. Going to movies in theaters are expensive these days, sometimes $8.00 per person. Add overpriced popcorn, drinks, etc and he could be spending $35 to $40 already. If you son wants to take his date to a restaurant after the move, suggest places that your son has been to before. That way, he knows what's on the menu and about how much he might spend. It also helps if you know that the food and service are usually good. No use taking chances here. After you figure out how much money he might need for both movie and restaurant(or whatever else he might do), give him 50% more. The last thing he wants to have happen is to run out of money. Have him keep this money in another place, perhaps a different wallet. If he doesn't use it, tell him to save it for his next date.
*** It's usually not realistic to meet his date's parents first, so tell your son that he should talk to at least one parent before he takes their daughter out on the date. Encourage him to tell one or both parents where he intends to take their daughter and when he will bring her back.
*** Make sure your son takes his fully charged cell phone with him. Most cell phones have an atomic digital clock that can be relied on to be the correct time. Tell him to leave the phone on and put it on vibrate so it doesn't disturb anyone.
*** Help your son figure out how much time it will take him to get to the girl's house, how long it will take him to get where they are going, and how long it will take to drive from wherever they end up back to the girl's house. You can even do a dry run with him. He should know that it is vitally imporant for him to be on time for his date. If he tells the girl 8:00 pm, that's when he should arrive, or very close to that time.
As an example, let's say it takes 15 minutes to get to the girl's house from your house. Knowing this fact tells your son when he should leave his house. I'd suggest 20 minutes(giving himself and extra five minutes). Make sure he knows to call his date if he is going to be unavoidably late.
Let's further assume it takes another 10 minutes to get to the movie house or wherever they want to go. Lastly, let's say it take it takes a further 10 minutes to drive back to the girl's house from wherever they end up(perhaps in a restaurant). Knowing how long it will take him to get from place to place will help your son budget his time.
Emphasize to your son how important it is to the girl's parents that he get his date home on time. If he tells the girl's father 11:00 pm, he should get her home at that time or even five minutes early. It wouldn't hurt at all to have him call the girl's parents if he knows he's going to be unavoidably late bringing her home.
Let him know that it makes a very good impression on both the girl and her parents that he both pick her up on time and bring her back home when he says he will do so.
*** When he first starts going out with a girl, encourage your son to take her to “safe” places, like the movies, a high school game or something of that nature. We live in a small town in Arizona and there is not much to do after dark. If this is you too, you might even suggest “day dates” to your son. Have him ask his new girlfriend what she might like to do during the daylight hours.
*** If your son tells you he wants to “go steady” with a girl, then you should definitely meet the girl's parents, or at least talk to them on the phone. You don't have to be overly friendly(especially if you seem to have nothing in common), but you should know their home phone, their work phones and their cell phones. It helps immensely if you have raised your children in similar manners and have nearly the same attitudes on how children should be raised. You should also know where they live and the easiest way to get there.
*** It goes without saying that you should discourage your son from drinking, smoking or doing any drugs while he is out on the date. He must be awake and alert at all times. Tell him also to follow the speed limit to the letter and drive carefully. Let him know that he is responsible for the girl's safety, since he is driving.
*** Your teen son(and his girl) are going to be tempted to have sex. It probably won't happen until they've “gone steady” for awhile and are comfortable with each other, but the temptation will be there. Be frank with your son about what can happen if the girl gets pregnant. A little “heavy petting” is certainly OK as long as it doesn't go beyond that. Encourage your son to wait until he and his girlfriend are both 18. Twenty-one is even better, but probably unrealistic.
*** Make sure your son can call you if he runs into trouble. Perhaps the car won't start or something else might occur that is unforeseen. Be willing to “rescue” the date if something unavoidable happens. Pick them up if needed and bring them to your house. Do whatever you can to “save” the date.
*** Don't force your teen son into the dating circle if he doesn't feel ready for it. It's an obvious fact that people mature at different levels, some faster or slower than others. It may well be that your teen son may not be ready for dating until he is a high school senior(age 17 or 18) or maybe in his first year in college(age 18 or 19). Speaking for myself, I didn't have my own car to drive until I was a freshman in college, and didn't date much until then. Listen to your son before you suggest he get out there and date girls. Be frank with him and ask him if he's ready, yes or no. If he says no, don't be disappointed. Support his decision and tell him that whenever he is ready is the right time.
Conclusions:
You might think of other practical ways to ensure your son's success in the dating arena. Just do whatever you can to help, especially with his date “chariot”. The last thing your son needs is problems with his car. He's got enough to worry about, so make sure it is safe to drive and in good working order.
Even if no problems occur, the date might not go well. He might found out that the girl and he don't have much in common, and the conversation lags. Or maybe the girl doesn't care to see him again(or he doesn't want to date her again) for any reason. Assure him that this is the normal course of events. Tell him there are “other fish in the sea” and that he should be on the lookout for another good opportunity.
There is an old saying that can apply to the dating world(it is especially meant for men): “Don't marry the woman you love; marry the woman who loves you.” I agree with this and wish I had known it a long time ago. You can liken it to dating this way: “Don't date the girl you like, date the girl who likes you.” It should be easy for your son to tell if a girl likes him. She's the one who will talk to him in a friendly manner ALL THE TIME, not just once in a while.
A consistently friendly and kind girl will be willing to help out when a date goes wrong. Maybe the restaurant is more expensive than your son thought and he is a little short. Any girl worth her salt will have money herself and won't think twice about helping out your son. Or think of any other situation where things don't quite go as planned. The right girl for your son will do everything she can to assist him. Why? Because she genuinely likes him and is very willing to go “the extra mile” for him. What teen boy wouldn't want a girl like that? She is the kind of girl your son will want to go steady with.
Simply dating the girl he likes may or may not work out. She may not like him as much and may like to go out with lots of guys. There's nothing wrong with this, but depending on your son, it may not work out. If your son likes to date a lot of different girls, then this is fine. But if he wants just one girl to date steadily, then encourage him to go out with a girl that thinks a lot of him as a person.
John Soares
Encourage your teen's interests
Help your teen study for tests
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